The Generation Game

Pete Wadsworth

Godwin’s Law states, roughly paraphrasing, that the longer an internet forum ‘discussion’ goes on, the greater the chance that one of the participants will end up calling one of the others “Hitler” or “a Nazi”. There’s a similar phenomenon that exists exclusively on car forums; let’s call it, just off the top of my head, Wadsworth’s Law. I’ve just come up with it and it goes like this: “The longer a discussion about a newer version of an existing car goes on, the greater the chance that someone will say something like: “OMG! cars r all so heavy and fat now there like an americans lol!” (sic).

The difference of course, between Godwin’s Law and the rather fantastically named Wadsworth’s Law, is that the chances of your forum nemesis being a Nazi, or indeed Hitler himself, are relatively slim. On the other hand, (despite the questionable grammar) people who bemoan the ever-increasing waist lines of modern cars are absolutely correct to do so.

You only have to look at the fact that newer ‘smaller’ models are often bigger and heavier than older ‘larger’ cars to see hard evidence of this trend, and nowhere is it more freakishly apparent than in the case of BMW’s E39 M5 and E92 M3. Let’s do some of the numbers, shall we? 1605kg vs. 1720kg, 4580mm vs. 4784mm long, 1817mm vs. 1800mm wide, both V8s, both have six gears – without going to a search engine, can you tell which numbers belong to which? They even boast very similar power output and performance: M3 shading M5 in the horsepower stakes by 20bhp, M5 taking a couple of points back by having an extra 75lb/ft of torque (100Nm in new money) and the pair being two tenths either side of five seconds to sixty, with the newer car being ever so slightly quicker.

When they’re sat next to each other, the similarity in size is bizarre, although the M3 manages to look a great deal smaller. The ‘pinched’ rear end, larger wheels and new-school BMW styling coming together to form a much tighter looking package than the previous generation M5. The M3 is far more ‘in your face’ too – all flared arches, After Eight rubber and funky door mirrors to its older brother’s much more discreet quadruple pipes, big rear tyres and slightly lowered ride. To my eyes, both approaches are equally successful and, as it happens, are also extremely accurate visual representations of the two cars’ respective characters.

The M3’s four litre V8 is a masterpiece of modern engineering. Lighter than the old straight six and savage in both noise and delivery, it’s a motor in whose performance you can become truly engrossed. What it ‘lacks’ in twist and flexibility it makes up for in the ferocious (ly clichéd) dash to the redline, and it’s a surprising test of commitment to keep your foot floored until the very end on anything but the straightest and smoothest road. But, and it’s a big (possibly contentious) ‘but’, for all its LISTEN TO THIS panache and nerve testing brutality at the top end, next to the M5’s power plant it feels… deep breath here… a bit chavvy. A bit, well, common actually. VTECish, if you will.

There’s an effortless grace to the way the older car goes about its business, a subtly understated effectuation of its massive speed and power that fits perfectly with the old money ‘M Cars’ style of incognito performance. And yet it still manages to be massively exciting. The E39 gives you a choice of how to cover ground quickly: call on the hugely superior mid-range to devastating effect, or unleash your inner hooligan, wind down the windows and revel in the deep-chested, bellowing V8 soundtrack. Crucially, both approaches are just as satisfying as the other. Conversely, the M3 never really feels like it’s giving you its best until you’re beyond that (admittedly magical) 6,500rpm barrier and ‘properly on it’.

You will find yourself there a lot though - the M3’s engine feels eager: it strains at the leash of speed limits, concerns about the shocking rate at which it can consume fuel if you get a bad case of lead foot, or your own better judgement about driving like your hair is on fire. Everything about it seems to egg you on, from the 8,300rpm red line on the dial in front of you to the confidence that comes from the (now) magnificent brakes. The M5 plays a similar trick on you, but does it in a different way: it tempts with its effortless flexibility and intoxicating muscle car soundtrack rather than goads with a screaming top end and an all-pervading hunger for more revs.

I’m afraid it’s not just in the engine department that old car beats new either. Both are fairly stiffly sprung vehicles but, once again, it’s the M5 that carries itself in a more dignified fashion. The M3 feels like it’s been set up to feel as sporty as possible and, as such, is a bit of a bone-shaker, whereas the M5 feels like it’s been set up to work brilliantly on the road. It doesn’t have three settings for the damping because it doesn’t need them – one size, in this case, fits all. I would even go as far to say that the M5 is a nicer place to spend time. Despite the near identical dimensions, the M5’s cabin feels (and is) much roomier: relatively slender A-pillars do a lot for the feeling of ‘airiness’ but there’s no doubt you’re further from your passenger and the rear seat occupants get far more legroom – it’s no illusion.

On the road the M5 feels a lot more ‘real’ than the M3, although less overtly sporting. Both are fantastic to drive and I’m sure that – outright – the M3 would be faster over a stretch of road, but even though the older car is more cosseting and a lot less direct in the way it responds to your inputs, you ultimately feel as though the experience of driving it is a more worthwhile and involving one. Despite, or perhaps because, the hot 3-Series is so well tied down and glued to the road surface, like so many new cars, at anything less than eight, nine or ten tenths it feels surprisingly muted and in many ways, blunt. The M5 – although undoubtedly requiring more physical inputs - always feels alert, ‘keyed-in’ and, as far as a car its size can, as sharp as a razor. There is less grip than in the 3, and it was surprisingly hairy in the wet, but contrary to what car manufacturers seem to think, ultimate grip is not the be all and end all of performance motoring.

There’s also a gravitas to the older car that the M3 simply can’t match: an integrity and pedigree that seems to be infused within it. It’s a completely subjective thing, and I hesitate to stray into the realm of cliché, but the M5 feels far less sullied by the need to sell a ‘product’ or ‘lifestyle’ or a need to play up to expectations. Put it this way – the M5 feels as though BMW set out to build a hot version of the 5 Series, then they put an ‘M’ badge on the bootlid, the M3 feels as though they did it the other way round – as if the whole time they were thinking “is this enough of an M car?”, rather than “is this car a truly engrossing, involving experience for The Driver?”. Having said that, it could be nothing more than History playing tricks on the objective journalistic mind – as a petrolhead you just can’t get your mind away from the significance of the M5 in the performance car market, nor its reputation as a fantastic driver’s car or how much cooler it is than the M3.

As much as I love the new M3 saloon – and I really honestly do, it’s a great car – every feeling I had, rational or otherwise, was constantly drawing me to the old V8 M5. I’m not a sentimental or nostalgic person either: old school cool is, to me, just another way of saying ‘not quite as good as it should be’ but in this case lower tech really does seem to give better results.

I wasn’t sure what the result of this rather odd twin-test would be, but it seems that the conclusion is a fairly predictable one. Most of the differences between the cars are fairly obvious, but the over-riding feeling is how brilliant the M5 still feels: tight, exciting, evocative, fast – all the best adjectives for a car nut. So yes, the latest in BMW’s long line of saloon-shaped supercars is an utterly fantastic device. But, given that you can get a very decent E39 M5 for £16k these days, is the new M3 saloon really worth £50k? Unfortunately for BMW, the answer to that question is an emphatic, unequivocal, no.